So if you’re a single, Christian guy, I can totally see why you’re wrestling with this tension. You don’t want to objectify them, and you understand that her character matters more than her dress size.But you also want to have real desire toward the woman you may marry. And yet, you sense that physical appearance can be too important to you at times. Because of this, many of those friends have suggested (a number of times, in fact) that we date. In fact, I applaud your serious self-reflection, willingness to heed the advice of your community and desire to be a good friend to the Beast. We have some mutual friends and get along really well with each other.(For men and women.) Movies, television, and the internet are giving us the message that image is everything.Although most churches and Christian circles acknowledge that message is wrong, sometimes in practice they don’t give much guidance.Samson and Delilah (Judges 16), David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), Solomon and his thousand-women-harem that ‘turned away his heart after other gods’ (1 Kings 11:3-4).Proverbs states the danger with classic simplicity: ‘Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain.’ () Beauty is vain in the sense that it will fade. It is only a matter of time till that little component that we are basing so much on starts to vanish and must be replaced by attraction founded on character and covenant. In practice, with our culture’s obsession with appearance and our own fallenness, keeping physical appearance in its place is easier said than done. Lots of guys ask me if they should date a woman they’re not physically attracted to.
Additionally, when you deeply love someone, attraction is superseded by a mystical connection, which makes beauty impossible to judge or understate. When my wife and I do premarital counseling, we’ll often ask couples what first drew them to each other.The guy will always mention her godly character, but eventually admit that ‘she was cute’.And you have other female friends who are not so godly, yet – if you’re honest – are pretty physically attractive. When women lie in their online dating profiles, it’s most often by posting pictures of themselves when they were younger – and thinner. But Scripture makes it plain that physical beauty is part of God’s good design.For example, when we meet Rebekah, she’s described as a ‘young woman… (Genesis ) And again and again, the Song of Solomon celebrates physical attraction, often in terms that make us blush.